damerell

The watch tells me I achieved +102 "body battery" points, which I am amused to see.

But I have also visited the allotment (on my way back from physio) and have eaten: raspberries, a strawberry, a cherry, redcurrants, jostaberries, peas, broad beans, kohlrabi. V pleased.

... and has been doing very little of anything else. SHOCKINGLY.

Item the first: I have no idea what the hell made the ominous donk-slither-donk noise in the portaloo at about midnight last night, but the phone I'd convinced myself it was was in a neat little pile with my laptop, in the tent, in the morning -- after I'd spent some time being sad about inadequate backups of photos of tiny sleepy rhinos -- which was an enormous relief (though I am also very pleased with myself for how well I handled things). (Especially given that my conviction that this was what had happened was in part based on being as aware as I could be of how abruptly my cognitive function had deteriorated with Surprise Unscheduled Migraine Onset.) (Still haven't worked out what on earth the donk-slither-donk was, but it's none of the obvious Truly Upsetting things to have lost, so I'm Currently Fine With This.)

Item the second: it is hot. This field contains lots of chamomile, and also lots of people. I am really enjoying the way it smells.

Item the third: I am really enjoying the dark chocolate + salt + nuts snack bars that crew welfare is providing, which I'd not previously noticed.

Item four: THE HALBARD THAT IS A SHARK.

On an ice hockey camp in Slaný, near Prague. I flew out on Thursday afternoon with two friends from Kodiaks. We arrived at the rink hotel in time to check in, have a little walk down to the nearby supermarket and get food, and settle in for the night. For reasons the three of us were all sharing a dormitory room the first night, and we decided the perfect film to watch over our picnic dinner was Inside Out 2 - also set at a 3-day hockey camp. I hadn't seen it before, though the other two had, and I enjoyed it very much.

Friday morning was pretty relaxed; a fourth Kodiak joined us after leaving home at awful-o-clock in the morning, and we were moved into the nicer ensuite twin rooms in pairs for the rest of the camp. We met in the dressing room at 1pm, were on ice at 2pm and again at 6pm, with a stickhandling session in between. Then dinner at 8 and falling into bed not long after.

It's excellent coaching, I'm being pushed well out of my comfort zone and the balance of drill and rest in each session and between sessions is just right. I hit my "cannot actually skate any more" limit about 3 minutes before the end of the last ice session.

Today will be two ice sessions at either end of the day, with video review (argh), optional swim+spa (yes!), and stickhandling again in between. My muscles this morning are making themselves known but I'm not exhausted. All is good. Time to go get changed.

I am already very very tired.

But.

In a magnificent example of Prosocial Mammals: yesterday, when we were like 3/4 of the way to site, I realised that I no longer had "migraine stabs" on my packing list because I had carefully arranged things so that stabs would be due on a Tuesday so I would never need to faff with stabs in a field again.

... which I completely forgot. Until. 3/4.

... so I put out a Wail addressed to Londoners who would be Heading To The Field, and one of them ACTUALLY WENT on the terrible multi-borough fetch quest to get me my stabs so I HAVE BEEN STABBED and was only one day late, not a week! which is probably going to make the next month much more pleasant! and I just. continue delighted about this.

There you go that's your anecdote of the day.

Okay. So.

Admin: the LRP has a variety of in-game resources. One of the more valuable ones is mithril, which gets used for all sorts of things, like armour and weaponry and building works, particularly military ones.

This event we are seeing the launch of The Cow Stock Market. This inevitably was a topic of discussion over this evening's pizza: discussion of the designs of the I Promise To Pay The Bearer On Demand One (1) Cow slips! speculation over Cow Futures! debate over the impact on the gold mithril standard!

It'll be fiiiiiiiiiine, says A. It'll all be TOTALLY fine. You can absolutely build fortifications out of cows!

-- and at this point, for those of you who are abruptly cackling, I need to point out that A has not read Nona the Ninth.

I also need to point out that I am in a specific groupchat, specifically set up following the event where someone managed to get their hands on some copies of Nona a few days before official release and there was consequently significant in-field bartering for who got to be next in the queue to inhale them, that is named after. well. the cows. did you know that cows have best friends.

But A had no idea why I was abruptly losing it, and I decided that rather than attempt to explain I was in fact first of all going to Depart Our Table, find my Nona dealers, and relate unto them the story of The Thing A, All Unawares, Just Said.

The reaction was extremely gratifying.

Two things:

1. I keep (especially post-surgery, cotemporal with relearning how to walk) finding more small ways that how I've been doing my various physio exercises isn't quite right. This is a good thing! Isn't it fascinating to be learning more about embodiment and how my body works and how I can best deploy my various muscles!

2. Up until the hypermobility clinic, all the physio I was ever prescribed made me worse, not better.

It abruptly dawned on me, all at once, that the subtlety of the changes I'm making with adjusting how I'm shifting my weight around and so on and so forth? Are almost certainly not actually externally visible. Like, yes, people not understanding hypermobility and problems with it was also Definitely A Problem, but -- the part where I'm still, mm, not necessarily fixing things but certainly developing them, finding places where even with What The Hypermobility Clinic Told Me To Do I wasn't getting quite right... well, the hypermobility specialists clearly went "eh, good enough", and in terms of the effects on my ability to Things I think they were clearly demonstrably provable correct, but -- yeah, okay, sudden understanding of some of just how difficult it would have been to correct some of this stuff.

(I'm very sure that all my various epiphanies will turn out to be about things that still aren't quite right, that I can still refine further -- I'm having an extended phase of that with Pilates right now -- but this is a good thing, actually. It's really nice to have such clear evidence that I'm getting to know and understand myself better.)

 Hobbies can sometimes lead to useful transferable skills.

Decades ago, I ran a commercial postal RPG called 'Delenda est Carthago'  It even won an award.

I employed several people over the years - one interview was with a Dr Who fan, the kind who knew every detail of pretty much every episode.

That was what got him the job - it demon stated his ability to get involved with a fantasy world and to learn all the relevant details.  And he turned out to be a very good GM.

My daughter hs a volunteer at Little Woodham - the 17th century replica village. She's become a dab hand at entertaining the visitors with leather-working demonstrations, all sorts of interesting historical facts and also by organising groups of children into being the crew of a canon! (I gather the kids absolutely love it, even the ones who get 'killed' by standing in front of the barrel when loading it, etc.)

Turns out that this is a transferable skill also.  It was her time at LIttle Woodham that got her an interview with a company doing coach tours (she has a bus-drivers licence, but that wasn't the critical element).  They were looking for someone could entertain the passengers as well as drive them safely.

Monday Passenger: "You're very knowledgeable.  How long have you been doing this? It must be a couple of decades."

Lindsey: It's my first day...

She'd done a lot of research and stacked up anecdotes about all the places they would pass en route.  A bridge Winston Churchill fell off as a boy; another bridge that had a Civil War fight where a dozen cavalry held off around 200 infantry, stuff about Lulworth Castle, etc.

So, if you ever take a coach tour from Bournemouth rail/coach station to the Jurassic Coast, maybe you'll meet her!

After I found some issues with my benchmark which invalidated my previous results, I have substantially revised my previous blog entry. There are two main differences:

• A proper baseline revealed that my amd64 numbers were nonsense because I wasn’t fencing enough, and after tearing my hair out and eventually fixing that I found that the bithack conversion is one or two cycles faster.

• A newer compiler can radically improve the multiply conversion on arm64 so it’s the same speed as the bithack conversion; I've added some source and assembly snippets to the blog post to highlight how nice arm64 is compared to amd64 for this task.

Books on pre-order:

1. Queen Demon (Rising World 2) by Martha Wells (7 Oct 2025)

Books acquired in May:

• and read:
  1. Copper Script by KJ Charles
  2. Red Boar's Baby by Lauren Esker
• and unread:
  1. The Wrath & The Dawn by Renée Ahdieh [3]
  2. The Unexpected Inheritance of Inspector Chopra by Vaseem Khan [3]
  3. Kidnap on the California Comet by M.G. Leonard & Sam Sedgman [3]
  4. Betrayal (Trinity 1) by Fiona McIntosh [3]

Borrowed books read in May:

1. The Good Thieves by Katherine Rundell
2. One Christmas Wish by Katherine Rundell
3. You Have a Match by Emma Lord [2][6]

I continue to not read much (by my standards). I did not manage to read any of the physical books I had out of the library until they needed to be returned, and I've got several half-finished books in progress. (Oh, and in writing this I've realised I already have the Renée Ahdieh book in ebook, and haven't read it there either!)

[1] Pre-order
[2] Audiobook
[3] Physical book
[4] Crowdfunding
[5] Goodbye read
[6] Cambridgeshire Reads/Listens
[7] FaRoFeb / FaRoCation / Bookmas / HRBC
[8] Prime Reading / Kindle Unlimited

We still haven't met with Senior Management: it's now due tomorrow, in person. I'm gently trying not to panic.

There's still been no message of support to all members of staff and students from the University, and nothing at all from the department. Though I understand they're still in discussions in the background. This is frustrating.

The subject was raised at a recent All Staff meeting (in which people submit questions as text, and senior management attempt to answer them). We were given broad assurances that the university values and supports trans people, but nothing actually useful or genuinely supportive was said.

In the meantime a new EHRC chair is due to be appointed, and they're considering a person with a known anti-trans background. There's an Open Letter available to sign in protest, written by a very good friend and colleague: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe_Y77t7CQqKjdGifNa0lE3HKjDAb1UoJdjuLAbInhIQsRMhw/viewform

I've also seen a good template if you want to write directly: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1865KMfu24JgmwnWmYXaVc3jlzj5uQFEq69hXMxKP6BU/edit?tab=t.0

And I wrote my own version:

9th June 2025
Dear Women’s and Equalities Select Committee and Joint Committee on Human Rights,
Cc: Pippa Heylings, as my MP

I am writing to express my grave concern about the proposed appointment of Dr Mary-Ann Stephenson as the Chair of the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

I won't include a string of references here, because I think you will have seen them all already, but I think it is imperative that the next person appointed as Head of the EHRC should not be seen to have a strong anti-trans background. Trans people are currently scared. Scared for their jobs, if they cannot access their workplace in safety and dignity. Scared of being assaulted if they go to the "wrong" toilet. Scared of being outed as trans in public if they try to follow the new guidelines.

And I am scared as a cis woman, a woman who is not trans, at what is happening in our country, and what this means for my friends and colleagues and for trans people in general. For intersex people, non-binary people, and any woman who might be mistaken for being trans. Other women need to feel safe too, but excluding trans people is not the way to do this.

The EHRC needs to stand up for the rights of everyone, and to be seen to do so. I sincerely hope you will take this into account.

Kind Regards,

Eleanor Blair
Great Shelford, Cambridge, CB22

I'm not even going to attempt to get into the member of the EHRC who was quoted as effectively saying that trans people have been misled about their rights under the Equality Act for the last 15 years, and there will now be a period of adjustment, but they should just get used to having fewer rights than they thought they did. The Guardian changed their headline and reporting three times as a result of her protesting about being misquoted, but that seems to have been the gist of it. Not mentioning that the "misleading" guidance came from the EHRC themselves, and was based on the previous understanding of the Equalities Act and entirely consistent with it. FFS